Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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