Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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