he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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