I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
