A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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