I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got inside last night via doggy door
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
