Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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