i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
