Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
