i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
