do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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