She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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