So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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