Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize