Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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