I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
