Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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