so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
