y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
