pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize