honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
