my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
