I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
