Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Enjoy the penises
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
