FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
