Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
