this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
