Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
