see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You're like the curious george of whores
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
