We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
