Quick, to the slutcave!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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