I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
