he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
