its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize