Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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