you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
