So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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