hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
