wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she peed on how many people?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
