I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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