you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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