i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
