It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
