i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she told me i tasted like america
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
