Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
