i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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