Welp...herpes.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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