his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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