I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
