And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
