just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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