Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
