So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
