I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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