Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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