I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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