got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
