Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
