her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
