i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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