My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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