Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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