I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm passing your future prison.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
