I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
