I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
