You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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