Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
