you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
