I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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