after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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