Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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