The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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