i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
