Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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