Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
