sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
you never un-have a 4some
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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