Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
