i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
