He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
