If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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