I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
