Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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