sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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