sarcasm needs its own font
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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