Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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