They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize