yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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