please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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