for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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