did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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