We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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