People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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