i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
