i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
