Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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