I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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