how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
