i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
